Are Your Partner’s Sexual Behaviors Causing Intense Conflict In Your Relationship?
Discovering that your partner has betrayed you is one of the most devastating experiences in a relationship. Do you feel like you have been hit by a Mack truck? Do you feel like you have been living a lie and question the validity of your relationship? Are you experiencing numbness, intense anger, sadness, hopelessness, and at the same time a desire to find out if you can salvage the relationship? Are you having difficulty concentrating, sleeping, eating, and getting out of bed due to the extreme shock of this betrayal? Do you wonder if the relationship can be repaired or if you should just end it now?
Will You Ever Be Able To Trust Your Partner Again?
There is a tremendous amount of conflicting feelings when your life has been turned upside down by the discovery that your partner is addicted to pornography, having sex with prostitutes, frequenting strip clubs or engaging in extramarital relationships with opposite or same sex partners. You are probably wondering: Can I ever trust my partner again? You may also be wondering: Why do I need to go to therapy if this is not my problem? These are the most common questions asked by partners.
How Did This Happen?
The prevalence of sex addiction has increased significantly over the past 15 years, due to the accessibility of internet porn especially with the invention of smartphones. Individuals can view pornography, contact a potential sexual partner through Craig’s List or Facebook at any time of day, from their office at work, in their car, or at the baseball field.
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) estimates that 6%-8% of Americans are sex addicts, which is 18 million – 24 million people. One in 3 men self-report that they are addicted to pornography.
The pornography industry alone generates $12 billion of revenue per year.
The good news is that sex addicts can recover using the Task Centered Program developed by Patrick Carnes.
Why Do I Need To Go To Therapy If It Is Not My Problem?
Discovering your partner has been unfaithful is a devastating blow. Partners of sex addicts are trauma survivors. They frequently experience symptoms like someone who has survived a serious car accident or escaped a fire. You may feel episodes of non-stop crying, followed by numbness, a racing heart, a fear of leaving your home. Trauma-focused therapy can help to reduce these distressing symptoms.
Therapy can also be extremely helpful in figuring out whether you want to try to work on your relationship. Many partners initially feel they cannot continue in the relationship, but often when a couple has invested many years in a relationship and/or have children, the thought of ending the relationship can be equally overwhelming.
I am here to help you sort out your feelings at your own pace. There can be a road to repair and recovery of your relationship if that is what you decide. Many couples report developing a stronger level of trust and connection following betrayal. These couples grieve the previous relationship and its wounds and work to develop a “second marriage.” Couples who attend therapy and work through the betrayal report a higher level of trust and feelings of connection and satisfaction in their relationship than prior to discovery.
For other partners, the trauma of discovering you have been deceived, is too great a mountain to climb. In those cases, I can help you heal from the trauma and develop the skills to move on to the next chapter in your life.
Relationship Repair Is Possible.
In my initial 80-minute session, I will gather your personal history including where you were born, what your upbringing was like, do you have children, who lives in the home with you? I will also ask you questions about the history of your relationship. You are free to not answer any questions which you are not comfortable answering. I look at therapy as a partnership. We will work together to discover the key to your happiness. I have been working with partners of sex addicts for 10 years.
Are You Worried You May Be Blamed For Your Partner’s Behaviors?
I am a certified sex addiction specialist trained to work with the sex addict and their partner. I look at the partner as a trauma survivor. I am extremely sensitive to the partner’s position. Often, outsiders will say “You must have known or how could you not know?” I do not believe you are ever responsible for your partner’s betrayal even if you were not having sex on a regular basis. Sex addiction is not about sex. It is a behavior that numbs an individual from uncomfortable feelings. Sex addiction is not about physical contact but is a way of alleviating pain, temporarily seeking relief from depression or anxiety, or is a form of escapism by which addicts attempt to avoid problems through sex.
Do You Still Have Questions As To How Therapy Can Help?
I provide trauma reduction focused non-judgmental therapy to help you heal from betrayal trauma. I am happy to offer you a free 15-minute confidential telephone consultation. Take the first step and call me now at 215-939-6476 or email me at [email protected].